Refuse
☆
Is there someone behind me?
Silent, unblinking.
Pulling ’round from pretending
I’m not looking at you looking at me,
we share an endless gaze.
The longest three seconds of my life.
Scarlet creeps uncomfortably
onto my cheeks, searing into them
like droplets of hot fat. Lips burn.
The ground refuses to swallow me whole.
Categories: Autobiography, Luke Prater, Poetry College, Embarrassment, Flirting, Free-verse, Sex, University, Women
you certainly can paint a moment in words. I love that second half– those last several lines are killer!
@joanna Cheers – this is a salvage job, two bits of a much longer, awful poem I wrote 11 years ago at University. Borderline bloggable really
are these two seperate or one poem…they play well together as different perceptions of one moment…the parenthesis in the second alluding to the person in the first…the hot fat is a shock to the senses that gets the attention and the last lines in each are great…nice save luke…
thanks Brian… they are two parts of what was one poem, so they make sense together, but I also think they can be read as poems in themselves. Yes the ‘idiot’ line makes sense of it all, doesn’t it? I quite like the ambiguity and the reader having to piece it together, I don’t often do this (in fact never) with genuine Narrative pieces. It’s a true story…
I know of the longest 3 seconds. Very strange feeling.
A good salvage, makes me curious to read the original. Seems to be quite a profound feeling to have this experience.
“Scarlet creeps uncomfortably
onto my cheeks, searing into them
like droplets of hot fat. Lips burn”
Just love this tercet…beautifully poetic and so sensory. I could read that alone as a short form piece and dwell. Great write Luke ~ Rosey
thanks both. Glad you liked this old ‘un
“the hot fat is a shock to the senses that gets the attention and the last lines in each are great” uhm ha ha ha ha WOW! I like where Brian’s mind was at Luke lol :p
BTW, the line that left its mark for me now is: “lips burn”. I love burning lips, anticipation, woowhee!!! love this line :)
The parts you salvaged are little diamonds.
How does one do the sexy nose thing?
@Ina Cheers Ina. Ok so the ‘sexy nose thing’ is that slight scrunching up of the nose we do privately to one other person in a flirtatious way, like a wink but less sexually aggressive and more playful than that, probably.
Hi, Luke!
So, so wonderful to see you back again well I hope.
I enjoyed both poems. To the point and so very human. Well wrought as always.
Poem on… (I know you will.)
Jamie
A nice save indeed… the two stanzas play very well together.
Yours is highly articulate;
it’s just hit me,
as my stomach walks
off a cliff,
that your nose is an expert liar.
talented write, you rock, Happy Potluck!
I don’t have the poetry vocabulary down, but keeping it simple, I like this. It provides my mind with a blank canvas where it can paint its own Mona Lisa (or if you don’t have that kind of hubris then at least a decent stick figure). I bet Mona Lisa did an awesome ‘sexy nose’!
Amazing job you might not be able to do the nose things but your poetry is sexy and badass
A very interesting read. What’s the sexy nose thing? Just being inquisitive :-D
Cheers all –
@Andy McDonald the ‘sexy nose thing’ is that slight scrunching up of the nose we do privately to one other person in a flirtatious way, like a wink
awesome write. I always look forward to what you write. :)
Cheers mia, thanks for stopping by
Nosey is simply AWESOME, Luke!!! Sexy alright!! ;-)
Too toooo cool…except that guy walking in ofcourse… ouch!!! (bwahahaha)
Oh..and Longest three seconds totally reminded me of Iron Maiden’s Fear of the Dark… esp. this line from the song: “I have a phobia that someone’s always there” :)
ha thanks Kavs you are too kind
Loved the contrast of the two pieces – the longest three seconds was particularly brilliant!
Cheers Mr Thomas
Both pieces are great, Luke. Also read your “About” for the first time. I can sure relate to that brain that never shuts down…a trait of creative types, I think. A bit exhausting though. Always enjoy your work.
Two contrast _ soft and crunchy…Really superb…..Thanks for share
Thanks both, appreciated
Really like how these two talk to each other….freeze-frame moments….and the pain that goes with them…And really, really like what you’re doing here…making poetry here and now..alive…
thanks Becky
Had to chop the second part, ‘Nosey’, I’m afraid.. just wasn’t up to the same standard as the first. Title is now ‘Refuse’. I think it’s much improved…
Mmmmm, I had to go back this far to find one I hadn’t read. Very clean; I can wear this.
@Dark Angel Hey thanks, P… your digging is dug by this digger