Gutkick
.
Slifting into low-slung winter sun,
savouring the effably ineffable -
this. moment.
every s e c o n d
sat in the first,
sensing the third;
present, sentient.
Shiftslip into the taxi bound for
rural railway,
as the Nokia blinked
for the first time in over a week.
“Ah, freedom, eh?”
Oddly apposite to embrace a stranger
for gutkick realisation
of the opposite.
Categories: Autobiography, Luke Prater, Poetry Awareness, Buddhism, Free-verse, Freedom, Meditation, Present Moment, Silence, Spirituality
Luke, really nice write. Really love the subtleties in here, fits in a number of ways. My favorite of these subtleties is the spacing of second, which you followed with sensing, present and sentient. I just love little things like that. Thanks
finding time for comings and goings on.. when the present is the true gift. This is beautiful and so wonderfully full. PA
to see it in another and not have to feel it yourself…you might get the gut kick but better than having gone numb to it…apposite opposite is nice as well…
I love the way this conjures up the frustration/disconnect of reentry into the outside world after time apart – at least that’s where your words sent me. From the effably ineffable to the ring of the Nokia. You say a lot with a little here. Always really enjoy your writing. Thanks.
this certainly packs a punch Luke – or kicks like a mule in the belly etc –
‘Slifting into low-slung winter sun’ – this line is off the hook and really works well with the effable duo as a counter balance
familiarity does nothing to harm this piece Luke – stands stronger with every read
Arr, Luke? You going pirate on us now my friend?
Joking aside though, fine work sir.
So much said in such few cleverly crafted words. A perfect Zen moment and a lovely write from you Luke.
thanks all.
@Chris G. that’s the taxi driver speaking – I cut the line ‘came the West Country cabbie’, do you think I should reinsert it? The West Country (Devon, Cornwall in partic) is where the local people indeed go “arrr”. No joking. It sounds like pirates because the pirates holed up down in Cornwall (hence The Pirates of Penzance) because back then it was out of the reach of the law, being so far from London etc. Penzance isn’t that far from where I was in the above poem.
Provocative and compelling… love the Nokia flash.
hey man just spinning through since i was here earlier to say happy OLN and great to see you!
thanks Laurie and thanks Brian! I’m trying my best! Haven’t written much lately, too much going on as you know. Appreciate you spinning through as always
I too get the sense of reemerging…engaging…senses waking up…mind you, I’d prefer to sit in that garden being my bad Buddha self enjoying the now :)
Hi, Luke,
I peeked at this from work today and didn’t have a chance to comment, so here I am. :)
Love the word gutkick, incredibly descriptive and one with which I can relate. Excellent expression of sudden realizations. Shiftslip is also a wonderful creation that almost provides the sound with the motion. The turn at the end, when the realization strikes that freedom is being left behind is perfection.
I love the serene feel of every s e c o n d and the escape. Bravo!
Beth xx
I enjoyed watching this come together.
love the overall zen-like quality and transcending tone of this poem as well as the spiritual wandering of the passage.
I found the contrasting dialect in line 12 (in comparison to the diction of the rest of the piece) to be very effective at highlighting the working class of the taxi driver.
The word play in the last stanza works perfectly and highlights the internal discord of the narrator. Jarring
Stand out poetry. xxC.
An excellent write, Luke.
Nice writing Luke – one can always switch the phone off :) This was my favourite image in this poem “sat in the first,
sensing the third;”
It speaks volumes
This feels like the end of a relaxing vacation. I hate that reemerging part.
Oh yes.. you really kicked this in the right direction Luke… the transition from serenity to the gutkick of the mundane is dynamically played out. I’m still holding my breath here:
this. moment.
every s e c o n d
sat in the first,
sensing the third;
present, sentient.
Shiftslip is a perfect hinge…. :)
for gutkick realization this is amazing and so well stated
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/13/a-new-life-begins/
I like the message of living in the present, escaping common distraction (the phone) and in doing so gaining a sort of awareness and connection that is contrast to what one is familiar with. Beautifully written.
Intricate and SO well woven , Luke! Every second of every moment is important.
“sat in the first
sensing the third”
Speaking to my bohemian heart in this piece Luke. Capturing those moments, enjoyed this. ~ Rosie
Luke, from the alliteration to the zen message, truly a poem to savor. You know, I read all poetry aloud, and I tried to say “shiftslip” a little too fast…
I’m with C Rose about the bohemian heart. This harks back to a time when I had room to breathe and didn’t take advantage of it. Lovely, simply lovely – and learned a new word, “apposite.” My dad said, “Learn a new thing every day and you’ll never grow old.”
We will stay forever young, arrrrrrrrrr, Matey! Peace, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/09/14/free-edits-from-amy-free/
“sat in the first,
sensing the third;”
something about those few words resonate somewhere inside that feels unknown…I love that. Means something is shifting…thanks for sharing your words Luke
Great ironic iconic sound.
Gave my dictionary and Gogle a workout, but way kool once I got edumakated. It flowed great with a super acoustic rhythm. I like the Nokia mention. You on the top shelf. ENjoyed much.
right in the gut…
An economical poem which nevertheless contains a number of stories!
Well worth another visit. Thank you, Luke *hug*
great word play
Still excellent :)
Nice! And the picture adds an extra dimension.
“Sat in the first, sensing the third” and sentient of the now…my kind of stuff here, Luke! An economical poem packed with so much. And that “realization” that no, you are not free. The Noika is a great touch, capturing the now. A poem to be read over and over again. Write on!
I love how you get to the point. I like the Nokia blinking first time in a week, and you realize there’s no freedom at that point.
Thanks all for your visit and comments