Tuesday
Bitter disappointment
bitter cold
bit o’ worthless
bit o’ worth this.
She, paddled in the
addle of overwork;
me, merely expectation.
Me, myself and
I’ll wait (till next Tuesday).
Mute in furious yen, yet
must. not. expect.
protect
hearts from high places
guard
feet from tripped laces
shield
mirrors from split faces.
Wait (till Tuesday).
✩
Heavy edit and repost of awful poetry I wrote circa 2008. I hope it has some of the right vitamins in this time.
Categories: Autobiography, Luke Prater, Poetry Cold, Disappointment, Endearment, Free-verse, Loneliness, Love, Love-Poetry
All the right vitamins. Loved it.
“Mute with a furious yen” what an intense line. I’ve often wondered how to describe that feeling. Wonderful.
Thanks both, appreciate your comments
Really great Luke…”mirrors from split faces” gave me chills…awesome.
I loved the rhythm of this. You really are an alliteration wizard! =P Haha.
Good work.
Nive bit o’overhauling, Luke.. :) It all pivots of that ‘furious yen’…
@becky kilsby
…looks like I invented a new word there… nice…
As you know, I especially love this part:
“bit o’ worthless
bit o’ worth this”
I really like the brakes you put on each word in “must. not. expect.” (with the periods).
You really worked this one over, and it looks great. Impressive work, Luke. Are you happy with it now?
Luke, definitely know how you felt, have countless of notebooks and folders filled with poetry, stories, philosophy and who knows what else. Actually been going through a bunch of it lately and wow I don’t know If I’ve changed or what, but some of that stuff in there is awful, I’ve started a pile to try and bring some of these pieces back from the dead, but other stuff, well I don’t have the best handwriting, so not sure I’ll figure those out…and of course, the ones I can’t read are the ones I want to read the most- lol
As for the piece here, I like it, really you use some nice action words in here, kind of in rapid fire succession as well, mute, protect, guard, shield- Interesting as the last three are obviously about safety, but going mute can also find its way into that category as well. Safeguarding, and the delay of waiting, you then create a “sacred” day to look forward to, and when you then push the day again, it’s a cycle…very nice job, really like what this brought up for me. Thanks
Luke, I love it !
You’ve really created a mood with this one. I know this feeling, the waiting (alone) maybe not necessarily in the same way, but your formatting (esp. punctuation) and carefully chosen words take me right to that place of powerless frustration and disappointment. You’ve got some treasures hiding in those old pages of poetry it seems.
expectations will certainly bite you…and the disappointment is heavy…the weight of it rests in weary resignation on your words…
I like the way you transition through the lines. I’d say your “rewrite” definitely worked, because this is pretty good, Luke. :)
Thanks :)
I love the wordplay. “Shield mirrors from split faces” is great.
Well done! I just stopped by via dVerse. Nice job!
“bit o’ worthless
bit o’ worth this.”
The wordplay in this in brilliant! Thanks so much for the read! =)
I think it has just the right vitamins, love the cadence and the wit…
….thought it was good.
if that’s bad, let’s see your Good Stuff!
Though I have read and commented before, it was a pleasure to visit again. Thank you, Luke
expectations can be a real curse…and waiting for a whole week can be hard as well..felt..
Interesting, so what’re you waiting til next Tuesday for? Hell, it may never come!
The timing in this piece is exquisite and part of the message. I enjoyed it very much.
Perfectly pitched beats convey something pretty special – see you next Tuesday brother ;)
The old ones are the best :)
I’m glad you pulled this one out of the bottom drawer. (what else you have in there?)
Word-play is fabulous in this piece and I found it easy to identify with these lines in particular—
Mute in furious yen, yet
must. not. expect.
protect
hearts from high places
indeed. I have talked myself down from those high places on more than one occasion. It’s a tough spot to be in and you’ve really captured the emotions well in this piece.
I left a comment, but it seems to have disappeared. I love the wordplay of this quirky piece, and it is far from awful!
Nice capture of the photo… do believe we’ve all been there
Expectations can be a curse…so many times the reality is not what we hoped. She paddled in the addle of overwork…for me it would need to be replaced by he. Great job!
hey man…swinging through on OLN…appreciated the read through again…and still the expectations weigh heavy…
hope you are well.
Really like this, especially first four lines, how they sort of assimilate from one line to the next. Also like the use of periods between “must. not. expect.” Coming to full stop between words, controlling the pace really pulls a certain feel into this. Some things are definitely worth the wait, trust this was one of them! Very clever write Luke, I always learn from you.
Enjoyed this again, Luke. Love this one :)
Great. Wow, does this style have a name or kind? Thanks!
Luke…you worry too much. Damn fine poem, I would say. Like “bit o worthless, bit o this”
I enjoyed this… sometimes all you can do is wait… for an old poem to re-emerge anew.
Wonderful wordplay here:
bitter cold
bit o’ worthless
bit o’ worth this
and:
me, myself,
I’ll wait.
Really enjoyed reading this, and I love the way you use punctuation to really help make reading it a performance.
It’s got all of the right vitamins and minerals, Luke! It’s lovely!
:D
guarded disclosure, we all have sat in this place, your word play and execution gives it that bit of poetry that makes it seem not so bad to stay in stasis for the time. enjoyed this ~ Rose
Thanks all for your comments