duplicity, cheap
as chips; integrity, free -
given space to stir
seething spirals rank
ink misunderstandings arc
beneath cybersink
Welcome to WordSalad, where I hope to put more avocado, feta cheese and olives in the bowl than cheap iceberg lettuce (though I think we all appreciate a wild Romaine heart... give me a hot-blooded Gypsy anyday). Organic Balsamic vinegar may get thrown about with reckless abandon; forgive me if I get some in your eye, or if any of my ingredients are not to your taste.
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For more information on Copyright/use of my poetry, please see Copyright Page or contact me directly. Thanks
Communism! Pure and utter Communism! hehe!
For me, hits very close to home. Makes me wonder what to trust. Great write.
@Gordon Hilgers Thank ya Gordon. Yup pinko commie me
@Beth Thanks Beth
i could do it in one word…but she would not like to see her name…just saying…ha…nice bend or the words luke…
@brian I could’ve done it in one word too… it might have been a bit harsh to put her name up on my blog like that, as you say… thanks brother
well, there certainly isn’t any shortage of people playing nefarious games via social networking sites. I continue to be completely disheartened by the juvenile mindsets of many. Sorry that you got caught up in this hurtful situation. There is NO substitute for genuine intentions. Time will heal this…and the loss is ALL hers.
I do think there is a lot of power in the brevity of your words, unique to see such a short piece from you. some great alliteration in L4 and I much prefer the revision of ‘chips’ to ‘chaps’ in L2.
much love and affection– xC.
hi…my name is Frank …errr…I mean Nancy…I’m new here and I really like this poetry stuff
short jabs here
a left
a right
knocked out
Peace Brother Luke
Well, you know this one resonates with me Luke.. the distillation into 34 slicing syllables makes for a sharper kick. The recoil is palpable.
Not so sure about the edit to chaps.. but fully admit ‘cheap as chips’ may be a personal preference.. it has such a cack dismissal attached.
Who says you don’t do short?
Very well said…precise and to the point.
Peace,
Siggi in Downeast Maine
:( A ghost in the machine? She’s not worth it then. I like the extra space between
“given space to stir” and “seething spirals rank”. Short, to the point (very sharp point) and an apt image to go with it. Well done.
Thanks all… ‘chips’ I removed in favour of ‘chaps’ as ‘cheap as chips’ is a very common saying in the UK. ‘chaps’ offers at least two meanings
All that in 34 syllables, wow. I probably would’ve spent a good page and a half saying the same thing-lol Each word packs a punch, love it. tough, tight and strong. Thanks
@Fred Cheers Fred, thank you for visiting
mm.. ‘chaps’ may have the meanings you want.. but reduces the edge for me… especially aurally. ‘cheap as chips’ has such a sense of disposability.. and a greater spit with the ‘i’ rather than the ‘a’ (just saying… :)
@becky kilsby But what a cliché??
Yeah..definitely.. but isn’t that your point? Aren’t you saying duplicity is ubiquitous.. almost as common as a cliche or as easy to come by?
@becky kilsby I suppose so… tho’ ‘chaps’ has at least three meanings if not four, all up
@becky kilsby ‘chips’ it is…
Luke,
I had to come visit. Your comments left my head spinning. I’ve read it about three times now, and I’m still learning something. For the answer to your questions, pop back over if you didn’t subscribe to follow-ups. (I think I have that option turned on. I hope so. I will if I don’t.)
As to these gems above, I like them. They also required more than one read. I keep spinning slightly different meanings in my head as I alter the possible meanings of certain words (like “rank”). I enjoy writing like that. Thank you for your visit, your erudite comments, and the lure back here which allowed me to read and enjoy.
@Yousei Hime Hi Yousei – I was a little embarrassed actually that just when I had stumbled on decent haiku that had clearly been written with the tradition is mind and the great art of it all there, I, for the first time ever, had just posted two senryū. I never do… I never write haiku/senryū because I just don’t feel qualified. They are NOT just 17 syllables in 5-7-5 arrangement. In fact as I said the syllables are far less important to the other aspects. What I did here is a Westerner’s idea of senryū, and yes, I used plenty of Western poetic device too. I think I have the cut OK, but more or less that’s it. The reason for me posting these is that the statement I am making is directed at someone who writes “haiku” constantly. Is it a serious attempt? Yes and no. Basho said to learn the rules and break them, but I know he meant within reason. Thanks for the comments and I’ll come over and read your reply to mine. Thanks again Yousei
@Luke Prater
I think writing in response to something or someone is fine, as long as one is still trying to create something unique in the response. A search on my blog will turn up 5-7-5 haiku/senryu, often without the more important elements. Writing in a single line is newer for me, and I actually took some time to think about changing to it. Ultimately I look for what is communicated more than the technical aspects of form. It might have everything on the haiku checklist and be terrible (I know I’ve written too many of those).
I read somewhere, in my way-too-many haiku books, that a poet writes five good haiku in his lifetime, and a master, ten (or something close to that). Obviously the exact quote escapes me but I absorbed the message–keep failing until you uncover one. Then write until you find the next one.
Goodness, I’ll step down off that silly box now. Alright … all that blah-blah, and I missed what I wanted to say the most. Your poem(s) above (I like them as one, btw) aren’t conventional senryu. However, they are powerful and thought-provoking. Anything that makes one think has merit, and maybe more. Thank you for making me think.
@Yousei Hime Indeed they are not conventional (in teh Japanese sense)/traditional senryū. They are what 95% of Westerners think pass as something like haiku or senryū but we’re not quite sure but who cares look we have 17 syllables and some of the words are nice. This, again, is why I don’t write in these forms… until I master them. I will not (bar occasionally, though I doubt I’ll ever blog one again :)
Thanks Yousei… stimulating topic
I think chips is a good choice, Luke. Breakdowns in relationships are never easy, online relationships seem to be even more tenuous due to the nature of them, and the inability to really articulate what we mean at times. Great poetry here, sir.
@Emma Thank you Em
That’s really good!
@Madeleine Begun Kane Glad you think so!